


Wretched Machine

by InkyNuggets



Series: Eurovision 2019 Shenanigans [6]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Eurovision Song Contest RPF
Genre: Androids, Cousins, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Family Fluff, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, Panic Attacks, Side Story, Suicide Attempt, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 15:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkyNuggets/pseuds/InkyNuggets
Summary: The first moments Matthías felt emotions, it was a rollercoaster of pain that made him wish he never even deviated. But Klemens and Einar were there to help him through it, even help him out of suicide attempts





	Wretched Machine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, this is a side story to Settle For Less  
> This was supposed to be chapter 17 of Settle For Less but it got out of hand and now it's its own fic. A side story in the Israel scene. Also it's to keep y'all occupied because chapter 2 of Settle For Less would be out in a few days? Weeks, maybe? I don't know  
> Please accept this as an apology

"SHAME ON ICELAND!" They yelled out freely and angrily. People crowded the exit of the building, waving Israeli flags and even so far as to taint the Icelandic flag. All of them screaming and chanting curses towards the nation, towards the team. They were escorted very quickly out of the building and to their own bus. The yells and hatred of people overwhelmed all of them

"DIE! ALL OF YOU!"

"GO DIE IN GAZA, FUCKING COMMIES!"

"GO BURN IN HELL!"

"FASCIST SLUTS!"

Screams and yells coming from each side, trying so hard to lunge at them. One of them did make it out of the boundaries and ran towards the group only to throw a hard and furious punch on Matthías' face, causing his nose to bleed blue. The person realized what he was and then was taken back by two of the securities without even giving the injured android a second glance

"ANDROID!" Matthías heard the man yell, making him flinch slightly. He turned his head to face the man

"BURN IN THE SCRAPYARD LIKE THE REST OF YOUR DEFECTED KIND, YOU WRETCHED MACHINE!" They heard him yell out before being taken out of the scene. The team quickly stepped inside the bus and drove out of the scene. Einar looked back from the back windows to see the crowd getting further and further until the screaming were heard no more. He slumped back on his seat and sighed in relief

"We're safe for now" The team then fell silent until one of them finally decided to break it

"That was... Something" Andrean commented, his voice lacking the humour it usually had. Ástrós decided to put a comforting hand on the man's back

"Honestly, I was kind of expecting this so I wasn't surprised" Sólbjört decided to join in the slowly arousing conversation

"Disappointed but not surprised" Klemens tried to lighten the mood only to gain subtle nod from the others

"We're wanted criminals now" Ástrós declared followed by a tired sigh

"Well at least we did it. We got everyone's attention on the matter, I think. I hope. I did expect them to react brutally but I didn't think it'd be this brutal" Andrean continued, trying so hard to close his eyes and forget the existence of the rest of the world. The others, once again, nod at the same time

"You know what? Fuck them! We're here to spread awareness, they need to know and finally realize that they can't just sugarcoat everything and really, I don't care what they've got to say to us because in the end, we've accomplished our mission and that's what matters. Isn't that right, Matti?" Klemens announced excitedly, earning small but powerful cheers from the others, finally able to lighten everyone's mood. Well, everyone except a certain android who had not responded at all

"Matti?" No answer from the android still focused on staring outside of his side of the window

"Matti? You okay?" Again, silence from the android. Klemens glanced at the others, trying to find out if they know why the android had acted so passively. The others could only give worried looks and shrugs. The shortest man then moved from his seat to sit right next to his cousin who was still passively focused on the road outside

"Hey" He patted the android's shoulder lightly finally causing him to turn, revealing the blue staining his nose from the previous nosebleed. Klemens could feel his parental instincts going overdrive, causing him to have the need to attend to his wounds. He tried to reach for the wound to examine it only for Matthías to avoid his hands

"Let me take a look at it" The android shook his head frantically causing the shorter man's hand to finally retreat

"Come on, tell me" The android shook his head once again

"Is it because of that guy?" He shook his head

"Is it because of the crowd?" He shook his head again

"Then what is it?" The android then looked around, cautious of the people around him before he finally spoke

"Can we... Talk about this later? In private?" Klemens was taken aback, never had he heard Matthías this wary of the others. He considered everyone as family, the team also considered him as family. Never had he been so cautious of them. But the only way to know about it would be to comply, so Klemens answered

"Okay"

Later that night, Klemens followed him to his room which was surprisingly neat. Everything was so organized, well except for the cyberlife issued jacket sprawled on the bed which was presumably thrown out in a hurry. He shouldn't really be surprised, he was a household android and he's no different than the original Matthías honestly

He spotted an old stitched up teddy bear which he remembered giving it to the original Matthías as a way to deal with his panic attacks and sometimes panic induced seizures whenever he's not around before finally handing it to android Matthías who's been suffering the same seizure attacks. Klemens felt a wave of nostalgia hitting him as he watched Matthías crawl onto the bed and immediately snatched the bear before hugging it tightly, just like how the original would before one of his panic attacks

"So, what is it?" The android stayed quiet for awhile which made Klemens worry a bit, maybe he was preparing for another attack? He was finally relieved when Matthías finally decided to speak

"Do you think... I'm... Defective?" His voice was low and he could tell his voice box was severely damaged from the passion he gave in the performance. Klemens couldn't believe what he was hearing. It wasn't like Matthías to be affected this much by someone else's comment about his kind but then again, that wasn't a normal comment either

"What? Matti, no, you're not defective! Why would you believe so?" He could see the android trying so hard to suppress the panic attack (or worse, seizure) about to happen. The bear was gripped tighter to his chest as the android tried so hard to find comfort in it

"Because I _am_ defective! I heard what that person said back there, he called me a wretched machine, telling me I should just go die in the scrapyard, how I'm defective. I didn't want it to bother me but I can't help but think it may be true..." He's whimpering, softly fortunately, meaning he's not at that point yet but would be if Klemens took one wrong step in this conversation

"Matti, no it's not true. You are not a wretched machine, you do not belong in the scrapyard, and you certainly aren't defective" He tried to move closer to the android only for the latter to scoot back, creating the same distance

"No! You don't understand! Machines aren't supposed to feel, we aren't supposed to have an opinion! I am defective! I-"

"You are not defective! Just because you deviated doesn't mean you're defective! You're a machine, yes. But that doesn't make you any less than a human being!" Klemens scooted forward once again only for Matthías to create more distance

"But I'm a machine nonetheless! Just a cheap copy of a dead man!" That statement was the last straw for Klemens. His temper was already surfacing

"What is wrong with you?! One moment you were all so passionate about that performance and just because a guy punched your face and called you broken you're now like this? What is that guy to you that can make you so affected by this?!"

"He's no one!"

"Exactly! Then why are you being like this?!"

"Klemens, please stop"

"No! Answer me! What is causing all of this?! Why are you claiming you're defective?!"

"Because machines aren't supposed to feel!"

"SO YOU WANT TO BE A MACHINE?!"

"YES!" That stopped Klemens' long rant. He paid attention to the android before him, back to the wall, whimpering, crying, holding his arms up in defense. His breathing was ragged and his body kept twitching every now and then. He's... Afraid of him. He looks so vulnerable by the minute, like a child about to get hit by their own parents

"Matti I..."

"I DON'T LIKE THIS! IT'S TOO MUCH! I WANT IT TO STOP! IT HURTS! EVERYTHING HURTS! HUMANS HURT! BEING HUMAN HURTS!" The android sobbed. His voice so desperate, as if he's calling for death to come quicker

"Matti..." He tried to reach out for the android, to pull him into the comforting embrace he always craved for whenever he's having a panic attack. But what he didn't expect was for Matthías to look bewildered as his hand got closer and when his back was up the wall, the android screamed

"NO! GO AWAY!" And he ran out of the room crying. He slammed the door to his room very loudly. Klemens couldn't really go after him as he was frozen in place, trying to process everything that just happened

_What have I done..._

He just needed to give Matthías some space, that's all. Right?

As for Matthías, the android ran out of the room. His vision blurry, notifications after notifications appeared in his monitor

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 78%**

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 89%**

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 95%**

**WARNING: SELF DESTRUCT IMMINENT. PLEASE LOWER LEVEL OF STRESS**

He ignored every single one of the notification as he slumped down in front of a door. Fortunately there was no one in the hallway so he had the place to himself. The room around him looked as if they're closing in. He desperately choked for some air as his vision showed everything shrinking and crushing him to the ground. His ears were buzzing as his head throbbed harshly. He needed it to stop

_SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!_

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 98%**

**WARNING: INITIATING SELF DESTRUCT IN 00:00:15:00**

There were still no one. No one to witness what he was about to do. He just needed everything to stop

_"Wretched machine!"_

_"Defective!"_

_"Burn in the scrapyard!"_

He didn't like this. He hated this feeling. He hated being able to fell. He needed someone, anyone, to make him stop feeling

_PLEASESTOPPLEASESTOPPLEASESTOP-_

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 99%**

**SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATE**

**\- - - H E L P - - -**

"Why do I have to do this all the time?! It could've been Andrean but nooo she just had to insist I do it" Einar grumbled as he walked towards the elevator after being kicked out of the room by his own wife

He stopped on his track as he heard a banging sound in the distance. Were they doing renovation or something? Out of curiosity, Einar decided to follow the source of the sound to find out what it was. What he did find scared him shitless

There stood Matthías, banging his head on the wall, staining it blue. He's self destructing, Einar recognized this odd behaviour. This triggered his parental instinct, fearing for the life of the vulnerable android. He rushed towards the self destructing android and held his head back from the wall

"MATTI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The android tried so desperately to self destruct again, only to be stopped by a strong force. He then reached his right hand to his left and started scratching until blue blood was soon visible. Einar saw this and forced his hand down with his free one

"MATTI NO!" The android then tried another tactic. He tried so desperately to throw his head to the side, trying to snap it. Finally, Einar decided to wrap the android in a tight embrace to stop him from doing anything harmful. The android whimpered, squirmed in his hold, trying so desperately to get out of the strong embrace

"Shh shh... I'm right here. It's okay" The android recognized the familiar warm and comforting voice from the familiar human. He finally stopped whimpering and squrming, he calmed down in the process

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 70%**

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 54%**

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 21%**

**"E-einar?"** His voice became static as he finally calmed down. The older man nodded before placing a soothing hand on the android's head

"Yeah. It's me. I'm right here. It'll be alright... Nothing's gonna hurt you..."

**LEVEL OF STRESS: 10%**

His level of stress was decreasing immensely as he took in the soothing warmth of the other man's body

Einar didn't really know what happened. He knew this was one of those panic attack episodes Matthías always experienced from time to time. What caused it this time? What happened? Why was Matthías even out here in the first place? How stressed did he get until he felt the need to self destruct? More importantly, where was Klemens in all of this? Wasn't he supposed to be the one calming the android down whenever he's breaking down like this? He needed to ask the shorter man later. Right now, there's an android suffering from a panic attack before him

"Hey" The android finally looked up, his optical lenses were wet with artificial tears. Einar brushed away some of the leftover tears as the android sniffled and sobbed

"How are you feeling?" He sniffled and finally flashed a soft smile

"Better. Thank you" Einar felt relief wash over him after that

"Thank goodness" Silence then broke in between them. Matthías still had his face buried on the older's chest, desperately seeking for the comforting warmth from him. After approximately 5 minutes, Matthías looked up again and Einar decided it was the best time to talk

"What happened?" The android then decided to break the embrace, trying to settle himself

"Long story short, I... Don't like being human" This Einar couldn't believe. Back then he remembered Matthías would always desperately hold the mission to deviate, he wanted to be human so badly so that he could be there for Klemens, to be able to feel and understand him better. He didn't expect him to turn around so quickly

"Why?" He tried to ask ever so gently, not wanting to scare the android again. Matthías didn't answer however and Einar decided to take a course of action

"Come on, we'll talk about this in my room" He invited the android who hesitantly nodded and complied. He spared a glance at the blue stained wall which was already halfway clean. First time he had to thank the thirium's ability to disappear to thin air in less than a few minutes

The two made it to the room only to find it empty. He's guessing Sólbjört went out with Ástrós and Andrean for a drink, which he was relieved of. He gently set the android down on the bed and wrapped him in blanket as a reassurance for comfort. The android snuggled on the blanket, taking in the warmth from it

"Do you want some thirium? I got some in my bag just in case things like this happen" The man pulled out a pouch of blue liquid and the android nodded ever so slightly. He tossed two of the pouches for the other to catch very easily and immediately ripped the tip open, drinking from the ripped hole. Einar then dragged one of the chair of the room and sat down infront of the android

"So, ready to tell me what happened?" The android finished one pouch of blue blood and tossed it inside the garbage can. He wanted to go for the other pouch but decided Einar deserved some explaining first

"I just thought being a machine is better, you know? No emotion, no pain, just a shell wanting to complete its mission"

"But don't you hate not having the ability to feel stuff?"

"Well, yes, that was before I even know how 'feeling' feels like. Now that I know it's more pain than happiness, I'd rather go back from the beginning" Einar raised an eyebrow. He knew there's something more than this and he could see that from Matthías' twitching

"What made you think like that? You've never thought about that before and you've certainly never gone overdrive because of that"

"Oh I've thought about it. I never told any of you because, well, it's all thoughts coming from a machine after all, besides it's nothing really" The older man's eyes softened at the declaration

"Matti, of course your thoughts matter. We care, machine or not. Hell, I was worried as shit when you started self destructing in front of me all so suddenly. If none of us cared about your thought then I certainly won't be sitting infront of you, trying to comfort you and wanting to know the source of the problem"

"Thank you and I'm really sorry about that"

"You're welcome and no problem. That's why I always told you talking is important" He could see Matthías flashing a soft smile underneath the thick blanket covering his body

"Anyway, the reason I don't want to feel anymore is... It's overwhelming. I'm happy at one time, then sad, then angry, but all the same everything hurts. The punch that guy threw before was a prime example, and his words, stupid as it sounds like, hurts. If I was never able to feel, I won't feel them, I won't be hurt anymore, it'll just be me" It saddened Einar to hear this from the android. To think someone that was just introduced to the concept of emotions all so suddenly to think it'd be best to not feel at all? It made Einar think that humanity is in fact hopeless

"Matti, I understand. I know you androids take it alot harder, seeing as there are still lots and lots of intolerance around. I know it can get overwhelming at times, but you have to remember to let go of those feelings"

"I don't know how"

"It's easy, just let it go. Look, at some point in every human's life there's this point where they felt the need to just end everything due to hopelessness. I know because I was in that place as well. But I learnt to let go of those feelings, especially with very good friends around me to always have my back. You also have great friends around you who would listen you know. Klemens is one of them, me, your crush on your own technician Krístlin-"

"Shut up!" Einar had to chuckle. It's always amusing to see Matthías so flustered, and he really needed to lift the mood of the situation

"-all the others. You can always trust them. If you're having a problem, don't be afraid to speak up. Don't just hide it like how you did, and certainly don't wait for someone to find out until you've already self destructed" Silence broke in between them for a few while before Matthías sighed

"I guess you're right. Maybe I should get help"

"You could. Just remember that there are people willing to help you, no matter how small your problem is" The android smiled softly, snuggling on the blanket

"Thank you, I don't know what would happen if you haven't found me"

"Probably dead, If you ask me-"

"Matti!" Their conversation was cut off by a loud banging from the door and a familiar voice shouting from the outside. Einar stood up and opened the door to reveal a distressed Klemens. Matthías then gripped the blanket tighter, trying so desperately to hide from the shorter man

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you! I was so worried sick when I saw some blue blood stains on the wall I thought I-" Klemens didn't even finish his words but decided to pull his android cousin in a tight embrace. Matthías flinched slightly, his muscles all tense as the shorter pulled him tighter

"You thought what?" He was curious honestly, and it took awhile for Klemens to finally answer

"I thought I lost you again..." That hit Matthías like a boulder. He didn't realize what his disappearance would cause Klemens, it made him rethink twice about going back to his machine state

"Klemens, I didn't mean to make you worry... I'm sorry for all of those things I said, I-"

"No! None of this is your fault! I was the one who lost temper and chased you off to do suicide in the hallway. I should've been more considerate of your feelings and how they affect you, but I wasn't. I should've been a better brother" He cut through his sentences fast and Matthías could honeslty feel the weight of Klemens' words on him

"And I should've told you how I was feeling, I'm sorry. You're not to blame, you were trying your best and you _are_ a good brother! I just wish I was the better one here" Klemens chuckled in between sobs making it sound as if he's choking

"Guess we both goofed, huh?" The android nodded in agreement. Einar watched as the two brothers make amend with each other. He didn't want to ruin this beautiful moment, really didn't want to. But then again-

"Alright, now that you two are happy again, you owe me alot of money" Matthías snapped out of the embrace at the mere mention of owe

"What for?!"

"Therapy session, a pouch of thirium, advice, blanket comfort, me saving your life, and others" Einar smirked which only resulted in Matthías rolling his eyes

"Whatever, twat" The oldest of the trio laughed a bit at the playful insul and got into the embrace as well. They stayed in such position for awhile before Klemens decided to break it and spoke

"Tomorrow, we're going home and I'm sure lots of people are gonna want to kill us, especially dismantle an android, will you be fine with it?" Matthías didn't really know how to answer but he knew there's only one option left

"I know I won't, but in the end, we're going home where I can finally live again so I guess it'll be fine" Klemens smiled softly

"If you feel any discomfort, just tell me or Einar, we'll try to help you" That certainly brought artificial tears to Matthías' eyes. It was rare he saw pro android people, but he knew he could count on his brother and his gimp to have his back

What Matthías didn't realize however, were the many positive comments coming from some of the Israelis and most of the Palestinians. He didn't think humans were even capable of compliment at this point but there he was, standing while clapping and singing along with people in a restaurant, people who actually supported them, people who were capable of love

_What is this?_

Matthías felt as if he was going overdrive again so he made a very bad excuse and pulled Klemens to the toilet where he's going to talk

"Matti what is it? It's rude to drag people here while they're talking!" Klemens was slightly irritated and the rise in his tone made Matthías slightly flinch. Klemens noticed this and finally let his voice down quieter

"I want to talk about... This" Matthías pointed at where his thirium pump was. Klemens realized what he was referring to

"Alright, what is it?"

"It's... This feeling, it feels... New. It tingles my body and I couldn't help but smile..." Klemens raised a curious eyebrow, trying to figure out what it was until he snapped his fingers and laughed

"It's called happiness, Matti. Humans experience and give out positive emotions too, you know?" _Positive emotion?_ Matthías wanted to doubt that but once he stepped out of the toilet, he saw people were still cheering at him proudly. There went the feeling again, the feeling of 'happiness' as Klemens said

"Come and sit down, we have already ordered some food. Wait, you're an android? Oh no, I'm so sorry I didn't realize" One of the guy apologized and for the first time in a while, Matthías laughed genuinely

"No no it's fine, I can still eat"

"That's great to hear! Come now!" And he sat down in between his brother and Einar.

He didn't even know how it was possible, he didn't even know if it was possible. Humans are evil, they make him feel terrible emotions. But they also make him feel good emotions. He felt overwhelmed by these good ones, but he didn't mind being overwhelmed by happiness and warmth, it felt nice, gave him more reason to stay alive and deviant

"Welcome home, Matti" He whispered to himself as the others began to invite him to chatter and what not

He wished this moment would never end

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a like and comment


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